I'm Fried... totally spent

Wow... It's been over two weeks since I posted. So much has happened, and I don't think I can convey all of the emotions that surround my experiences.

My son moved into college. He is my youngest child, so I am "officially" an empty-nester even though he lived with his dad during high school. He's in St Paul, MN and seems very happy! (One bright light to my two weeks...)

My ex-husband is arguing about money for the kids... which is ridiculous. So, I just continue to pay and pay and pay because I don't want the kids to feel bad.

All on the same day, I learned of one daughter's cancer scare, another daughter ended up in the hospital in ICU, and another daughter got incredibly angry with her dad and I. It was a VERY BAD day...

I spent a week with my 92 year old mother-in-law. She's very strong for her age, and only called me by my husband's ex-wife's name once. That's darn good for an entire week!

My work is blowing up and out of control. Period. Can't comment much other than that without going NUTS.

I'm under investigation by my company's Legal department, and the FCC. It's oh so fun trying to resurrect documents from 2004 through 2009...

I feel guilt for firing two people two weeks ago... I had to do it, but I feel so bad for them. I need to interact with them to transition their work, and to give them personal recommendations for new jobs. It's hard to talk with them.

My cat continues to crap on the floor.

I haven't stuck to my healthy living plan. Eating comfort food is good when I feel like crap and am stressed out. So, I end up disappointed with myself.

Oh well.... each of these things deserve their own post with lots of emotional outpouring. I just don't have the energy to do it. I'm exhausted. I need to sleep. I need to wake up energized to take care of my work... because I could lose my job very easily with all of the corporate restructuring. (Our CEO announced that downsizing will continue throughout 2010 and beyond.)

I'm going to take a hot bath, read a book, and fall asleep early.

Nighty Nite.

When it rains it pours...

Happy Monday everyone. (she says sarcastically...) It's anything but happy for me.

First thing this morning, I find out my company is being investigated by the FCC... this time focused on my area. So I have a heavy subpoena to comply with that will basically make me kill several trees just to prove my team did nothing wrong, and complied with every rule. What a hassle and waste of time...

Then, the company announced there will be job cuts in my business unit... to the tune of 10-20%. But the good news is that those that will lose their jobs, will lose them quickly... by early August. (That's next week people.) Yippee. I'll either lose my job, have to fire some folks, or both. Yuck Yuck YUCK

There are many great things about working for a large company... decent benefits, lots of opportunity for transfers, job security (usually). But when it comes to "force reduction", or job cuts, you become a number to someone at corporate headquarters. They merely see the financial impact of how many employees "should" be cut to save enough expenses to meet Wall Street's expectations by year-end. (But on the bright side, maybe my stock will go up in price.. :)

I've survived a few downsizings in the past, but this time I'm VERY much at risk. Small declining customer base, stagnant sales results, declining number of employees, and a new boss that doesn't really know me or my capabilities yet. Cross your fingers for me!!

BTW, did I say I'm having a bad day?? Cuz I am. And I'm whining about it. I'd say I'm sorry for wasting your time, but no one is forcing you to read this... and I needed to get this off my chest.

The joy of new construction

Last weekend, I was bitten by the Spring / Summer bug. I spent hours cleaning our screen porch, hosing down the patio, and cleaning all of the outdoor furniture. I'm looking forward to quiet evenings on the porch, or sitting in the sunshine on the weekends.

Today, a builder began digging in the lot behind us. Crap. Our porch is already getting hit with lots of blowing dirt. And it will continue with dirt and construction dust and debris for the next 3-4 months. So much for backyard cookouts this year. Right now, I've got a great view from my patio of a big dirt pile. :(

If a family was happy about building their dream house behind me, I might be able to be less selfish in my thoughts. But the builder is putting up another spec home and doesn't have a buyer yet.

And to top it all off, the builder is constructing the house very deep on the lot and close to our backyard lot line. This will make it only more difficult for us to sell at a later time, and it will give me a great view of their house from our patio.

I'm very disappointed today. And crabby.